Who Pays The Price For My Misbehavior and Destruction?

31
Failure

I felt a need to answer a comment on another post, but knew my response would be too long for a comment?  As I began, in the most sincere attitude, I just let it all hang out..

As most anyone who reads what I write should know, I don’t care much for editing, so as usual just try to make your way through my own thoughts.  Maybe it will make sense, maybe not?

Who Pays The Price

Of course, I know you are baiting me, and obviously I do know the answer. I love writing post like that because I didn’t get the answers to my own broken life from searching Google. And, in fact, I didn’t get my answers while sitting in church pews? Because most of the answers I see are from people who have yet to reconcile the past with the now.

A person can never know how a broken arm really feels until they have broken their own arm? A person can never teach me how to reconcile my life to Jesus until he has reconciled his own past through Jesus.

I freely admit that I could be wrong, but it is my very firm conviction: by far, most of the people telling people about the wonders of Jesus have only read or heard about Him. Of course they want and are seeking for those wonders more than anything.

Stepping Over The Line

Until I personally stepped over the line, through the haze of utter imagination, the wildest fantasy, the most complete foolishness ever perpetrated on mankind, and actually took unto myself this seemingly imaginary person of Jesus—I could sing about Jesus, and talk about Jesus, and teach about Jesus—but I could not comprehend how the actual real time, aromatic, sticky blood of Jesus could and would quite miraculously remove guilt, emotions, fears, dreams, thoughts, flashbacks, remorse, and whatever else could be attached to my acts of clobbering kittens.

Immediately upon clobbering my very first kitten I knew it was in error, and it touched something deeper into myself than I could understand at the time.

However, something else in myself demanded that I clobber more kittens—because I clobbered the first. If I could only clobber enough kittens—I could cover the shame of the first, then the next, then the next, then ad-infinitum.

But as we speak, I understand that while my kittens were becoming larger and larger, more violent and more vulgar, these were by No Means any more disrupting and separating than telling white lies, or shirking my responsibility to my employer by being late to work.

Each act that went against what I knew to be the nature of the God that created me and was not in alignment with His values, was as disrupting and separating as another, large or small. There is not a value system in sin, each is against the God that made me in His Own Image of perfection. And each causes me to feel like I am separated from His Image, even if I do not agree that He is my God.

No Matter Hard I Tried, God Never Turned His Back

My God did not separate Himself from me, because I was a bad boy! My deep understanding that I was somehow less than He intended for me separated me using my guilt and shame. And My God understood this from Adam, and created Jesus Christ as the only perfect atonement for me to step over my own human ideas that kept me hiding from my God.

It is never a full filling of any law or requirement that brings me to a place of being able to step through the boundaries of imagination and touch my lord Jesus. It is first me hearing about Him, then me believing, then me taking Him by force.

Because I heard, and merely said out of my mouth to myself that I believe, doesn’t make me believe. And even if it did, I can and do change beliefs regularly. I believe because I say to something I cannot see, touch, or feel, “Jesus I need you and I need you to help me believe”.

And nothing really happens? I may well be magically transformed into a habitual pew sitting. Jesus toting fast gun. However, I noticed deep within myself that nothing really happened. And just like clobbering kittens, the more I noticed, the more I pulled my Jesus toting fast gun on you. I still want to tell a lie, and will certainly clobber kittens, especially with my mouth, especially the ones I love the dearest.

He Knew I Would Never Get It Right

Or maybe I never was a violent person to start with? Maybe I was brought up with the purest people, and I naturally took on their nature to be so pure and pleasing. I wasn’t, so I don’t know? But because I believe what I read, I believe that even each of you who are pure and sweet, are separated by what you understand deep in yourself that didn’t line up with the Perfect image of God.

And so even though your kittens are different than my own, I have to believe you also have been guilty, because there is not one single human being this side of heaven that doesn’t fall short of the Glory of God.

But that’s not really true! When I “bowed up” against all I “knew” to be right and in fact, sane, and went for the prize, I learned something I had no way to know before. And I must tell you, you will never find the prize when you are concerning yourself with the saneness of the world.

The Prize Must Be Taken By Force

The prize is when you step out and take it by force. Wherever you are, you must step out of what’s comfortable. It’s so far fetched, that it’s hard to take the chance. You force yourself into stepping out into what is probably going to be a pure imagination.

You take the chance! The bigger the gamble the bigger the prize! You force yourself into this imaginary world of Jesus. You must take it by force because there is a lot against you taking it.

But when you get there, into this imaginary world of Jesus, you finally learn for yourself that you had it wrong! Where you were living was the imaginary world! When you’re at last a step over the line, The Glory of God Is Real.

And so in my real world I don’t wear my own shortcomings, or failures, and I never have to live up to anything, and I never concern myself with breaking a law. I never have to concern myself with my attire, or how I dress myself. I never need to worry about if I do something wrong.

I Wear What Jesus Did—Not What I Did

Because the very real blood of a very real person who was sent to shed his earthly life has transformed me from falling short of the glory—to wearing His Glory.

Oh yea! I stepped through the boundaries of all sanity known in this world, and embraced the only possible solution to “getting it right”!

The Lord of my life, and life energy, Jesus Christ, got it right. He got it right just exactly the way God wanted it to happen! Because He got it right, He never once had to feel the burden of the shame and guilt that comes with knowing deeper than you can know—of getting it wrong.

When you see me, you can know that I am wearing the Glory not because I did ONE SINGLE THING to get it. Adam got it wrong; I followed Adam. Jesus got it right; I stepped over the line to see Him in person!

When I did, God raised me up and made me sit together in heavenly places IN Christ Jesus. He did that when I was DEAD IN MY SINS, meaning, not because I was good enough.

I knew that and had that for a long time before I was stirred to take my position by force, stepping across the line of imagination into the only real place in God’s existence.  I knew that, and looked good in church for a long time before I stepped over the line.

And so, in answer to your question: There was no way for me to pick up the tab? There was no way for me to clobber enough kittens for the tab to be reconciled? There was no way for me to rebel enough against God’s nature to come to peace inside myself.

Jesus paid the price!

I belong to him, He’s the Lord of my life, whether I get it right or never get it right?

I wear Jesus!  The moment he sends me word that I built a wall, minute or larger than life, I know what to do because He promised me: That if I confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

The more I sinned the more righteous I thought I had to be. The more righteous I personally thought I had to be, the more kittens I had to kill to rebel against the idea that I had to get it right.

What a relief it is for me to rest in His peace.

The comment that started this is here…..

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